Pain After I Wake

As I woke today I looked at my bank account and seen  I couldn’t do anything, but pay my rent.

Also my bus passes this week coming, shaking my head.

I come from a place where I never had to ride public transportation, but now I do.

That’s not the big issue as I first seen it as.

It’s the fact that the black and white people who ride them is ignorant.

I am spoiled is what people say, and they are right.

My mom sheltered me, or as I see it my mom worked her butt off to supply me with what I needed in this life.

Now that I’m older me and my mom don’t speak much and it hurts, because I always had someone to look out for me when I fell short.

Things do change, even when unexpected.

I come to realize there is only family when they are in need.

That’s not how I was raised, I would give you the shirt off my back to make sure you are good.

People only call me when it is convenient for them.

I am always being told to be the bigger person, to turn the other cheek.

People that say they love you, aren’t always they’re to love you when you feel it’s important.

When I was up and doing fine in life, I was the first person people called to get something.

Now I need a breath of fresh air, people are nowhere to be found and dodging me.

I hope they know I love them all, but now from a distance.

All they say is I burnt bridges, but how you think I feel.

Just as much pain and hurt I probably caused you, I’m sure you have done the same to me.

I remember that I was important to check in on to see if I was doing okay.

Things have come a long way from then, I only get calls when people die, or not even then.

Sad how life treats you.

I was told once before by a mentor, good things happen to good people.

I feel like not for me, I feel depression can make people commit suicide for the pain.

People is going to look at that previous line as I’m planing my death.

Not knowing life itself has chosen my path for me.

Texas is the place where my paycheck couldn’t even pay my rent at one time.

To coming back to my birth place that I hate and paying it with no problem.

Still seeing the blind side of the stress from not affording life’s materials you need.

I’m just human and have to put my life on display since I am so shielded.

I don’t have to tell things in more detail, but people who do decide to call me wants to know what happened.

All I can say is life happened and tricked me into being birthed.

It’s not my choice to be here on the earth where things are ruled by greed and power.

I feel damned that I have to be trapped in my demise like this.

All I want is sleep.

I have seen more than I can bare, from death to shootouts and drugs sold.

I slept around so much before I got married, to where I can’t lust to cheat like other men when I’m angered with my wife.

People want my life in a book and it’s plenty to tell.

I recall one time walking over my old friend after he got shot and damaged real bad, didn’t know it was him.

Life is a trip you have to be prepared for at all times.

Wish I could call on God sometimes, but do he want me to see tragic trials to get me lifted.

I’m at the bottom of a hill, and can’t walk up it to save my life.

People will never understand where I have been in life until they can say I have stood in front of that gun.

Letting the holder know what you would still do to him, with no fear of death.

Well I have, and I am proud to say I have done what most people couldn’t stand to do.

I don’t fear death, I fear leaving my daughter with no one to love her.

Went to school for a good minute, now I have to push it back.

It’s bad because I was an honors student, without working and studying hard.

My chances have been taking from me, just because my turn is now to face struggle again.

Hell is here not in an after life.

The earth is the devil’s playground, and if you feel different walk in my shoes.

I have been told I am on the road of having a stroke or heart attack.

How would you know, if I always have to call you.

Man I would rather die young working hard.

Than die old forced to work a job to survive then.

All I can say now is pray for me, since people don’t have time to pray with me.

Hope I can hold my head up with no frustration anymore.

I’m done before I keep telling my business.

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