Hope

This morning is on to a good start for me. Thinking about things as usual, I guess I’m a rubic cube you can’t figure out. I feel I may one day need to put my church clothes on to show myself worthy. I don’t need to prove myself  to get through this life. Some people may think I have not changed much, but I have. I don’t need to respond with negativity to get my point across anymore. I’m not better than you, I’m just a better person in process. Guys I grew up with haven’t seen the real progress in me because I shelter myself from anything that can make me relapse. I want to really focus before I go crank. I wish Everyone would one day see me as a changed man, but it is what it is. That’s the saying of the time now, lol. Wonder what my brother would say if he knew I finally made it home to stay awhile. Rest In Peace Dominique Johnson, big brother really yearn for you to know I wanted to show you a different life. Everybody wants a co-signer, but I don’t need one God helped me survive longer than expected of my kind. People I once knew put a APB out on me since I left  and never showed back up. A hiatus is what makes me stronger, to leave as I be. The cold world is really becoming sour, the last hour on the news I’m sure someone else portrayed to be the Joker in another movie theater.  All I hear is my extended family in Texas say ” welcome back to the LONGSTAR State”. My brother Mark Marquez man blessed me more than words could ever express. My bro looked out for my well-being and made sure my ladies were cool, every time I needed help. My church family the Worthems has made me see what family is all about, they check on us as I’m on a stake out in the Show Me State right now. My inspiration comes from the man I see who made their families and christ there ribs we carry everyday.  Everyday I see blurry, I know soon I will once again see clear. I’m glad he still watch over my women despite of my short comings, Thanks for the lookout God.  The rise from the fall shall come to past. To many from my past shall come forward to wake up, to many I rose up with died or behind bars for a bid. If I can seat down with them all, I wonder if they would have done things different. They probably in the cells thinking how their once riders moved on and left them stranded with no money on their book. No pictures or letters to help you through the cage you in. Hope you will recognize you should not get out with the same mentality. Now you know claiming gangs ain’t what you thought it was. Prison isn’t for any man or woman, but the choices of influence can decide for you to do things that can jam you up for life. Being that you are in the system and thrown away, you can one day rise again. A black rose can see sunshine to bloom another time in life. Everybody that say they ride with you only rides while the car has gas and when the tank is empty it’s the end of riding homie. While people are behind those bars, I hope they know what the price of life  is to them once they get out. The person that was once special to you, is now moved on also to probably be with the same person you hung around. No one can commit to someone in that cell, and you can’t fault them. Humans are only meant to be around for a season or two. As I do look back again on my choices I would’ve been in there with you all, thinking reckless, God spared me so I didn’t take those shots and ended in that grave. I don’t regret anything, it built my character, being around so much chaos as a kid stunned me. Just kiss those that loved me, because my time has come and went. I speak for those that had their planes crashed. Give me a second to catch the beat, I talk sophisticated and everyone other person my age talks gangs. Gangs don’t mean much, how can you bang  for property you or your people don’t own. How stupid can some people be, killing others for colors that you didn’t create.  I feel it’s a long time coming the world can hear me release my emotions on my fellow  generation. The parents stopped caring their kids are dying younger and before they are. It shouldn’t be normal for a parent to bury their child before their time. People so use to wearing tees and hoodies with names and pictures, just a trend itself now. The value of life has become a misconception. The young people watch their parents become their friends. As a parent you should never say I would rather you smoke and drink with me then someone else. How can a child respect an elder when you passing them the blunts and ciroc. I find it easy to spazz out on my blogs every chance I get because life is funny with the people in it.  I really hope people will see this as a sacrifice for someone so young to want to say what everyone thinks about family friends and people around the world. I am from the hood and it doesn’t make you, we all can be above the rim. If you could talk to Pac and Big they would let you know, words and people can twist things to were it can cost you what’s important. Life is important when you notice who it will affect when the death comes. I know most people will read this and reject everything I mentioned, since tv show you to respect and love drugs, sex,money and violence. The People that been in prison for 12 years or more have talked to me as well as the Gang members from the 80’s who have overcome that tragic disaster.

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