This Time

Wake up laying in the bed.

From a nightmare of seeing the dead surrounding me.

Visualizing how spirits can hunt the living.

So as I lay I thank God I’m still awake.

Drowned just yesterday in my sorrows.

Feeling like time is now.

Standing at a cliff on the edge.

Looking down, seeing a bottomless hole.

Heard a voice say take a leap of faith.

Time is now, if I want to bury my past.

As I say my last prayer, a sign was given.

Didn’t want to see nor hear truth.

Lies of a liar called life.

Why should I fall to see light in darkness.

I thought living was being alive.

How do I believe a guy who enslaved me.

Modern day slavery, when I pay to die.

Pain is pleasure like bitter turned sweet.

Follow the widows peak to get peace.

Take the pill to start saving.

The more I do, the solution goes far from home.

I grab the cross & Bible to give life.

While jumping I never seen a vision so clear.

Brought myself to the point of what’s called suicide.

Being raised up from the barrow.

Born again religion tells me, free from sin.

 

Thanks, everyone for being patient with me. I have been working hard to sustain in life.

This year I will be getting back to the poetry and short stories.

Have a Blessed Day.

The Best Of My Moods

 

Let’s come take a walk with me.

Things are really taking a turn for the worse.

You all should know I’m finally here.

I do need people to pray for me.

I wake up feeling hunted by the screams of people.

Telling me all the wrong I have done.

As they come to me one by one, I see no face.

I was once someone who could be calm, then flip out.

I know how it may seem, I’m a bad boy.

Never meant to conjure up anger, and bitterness.

I wish I could tell you my hurt, but you would only run from me.

As for me I see life as a ball while I’m shackled.

I know I will never see why the lessons.

One day it should come to a stop, and not be brief.

Trying to give my all, so I can keep you all around.

It’s hard how things don’t turn out like I visioned.

Is this the way it suppose to be.

If tomorrow is not promised, why can’t we stay happy long enough to see the world.

I want me and old homies to kick it.

All they see is I left and created a large bridge, to far to cross.

I can reintroduce myself I am Broadway.

I can not sit and watch things fly by.

My sister Chaz Jones let me know how to recognize the big picture.

She was my reality check, she was young and couldn’t overcome her obstacle.

She passed at a young age and left a lil man.

I wish I would’ve been there to help with the broken pieces.

Chaz you the reason why I know how a strong person can live and show no anger with the illness.

Know I miss you, I check on the fam every chance I get.

Let me know in my dreams if I am living up to what a friend is.

You helped me through a lot of tragic situations in life.

You helped encourage me when I got married, trying to be there for me.

I couldn’t return the favor, since I couldn’t tell Jesus not now.

Rest in Peace sis, I can’t figure out why you were the most positive person in my life even when you was timed.

Now that so much has pasted me up, I’m going crazy .

Maybe I attract drama, don’t know if it’s just the trend life is obsessed with.

I feel like hell on earth, is keeping me from moving forward.

Patience is something I can’t provide, since things don’t give me time.

Like you want to know, why I can’t say I’m going to make life treasure.

Most situations pull me under, and chase me to the winehouse.

Knowing I’m fresh out the rehab.

My dreams and visions can make you think hard.

Blink just once you can be consumed by my inception.

I feel like an old soul, why looking like misery.

I feel like I’m stuck in my time, I try to do different things just stay the same.

Don’t you criticize me for being me, when I don’t know who I am.

I’m numb to the hurt, so I’m overlooked and misunderstood.

Everything I know to do right, I sense to do wrong.

Hopefully my daughter grows up to be there for me, knowing how guilty I am.

Hopefully my wife can get to understand me, and don’t suppress.

I just want to be different, but still stay the same under the sun.

I’m always on the outside looking in.

I can see through you, even though I’m selfish.

I look in the mirror and feel I’m not desirable.

I don’t let up, so you can let me down.

Don’t dim my lights to slight me.

You looking for someone to blame, I can’t be that solution.

I pour my heart over my words and you still try to thrill me.

You can never drill me, to derail me.

I fall and get up and I’m still me.

Some of you all say you love me, but then somehow it’s not the same.

Most of you don’t see my growth, only my failures in some positions.

Some folks are so naive, not me I go insane.

I’m immune to the depression, so it may be my brain.

High off more than life, got more than what’s in the pupil of the eye.

A lot of you always throw out thoughts like grace.

It may have to be unforgiving that I can’t move at the pace as others.

I’m only just being me, I love me more.

Uplifting you when I can’t get up, how does that work.

I love the pain, and suffering.

I’m successful off my own admission.

Long way to go, after I wake up out this coma.

I see the spot light, where the sun burns my skin.

We are like birds with feathers.

Guess the fake is going to relax the real.

Truth can kill, if you with draw.

I have to stay calm, being that the ones who probably love me most is dead and gone.

My inspiration comes from the way of walking.

Don’t ask me to break up like the balls on the pool table.

Stress and my soul makes pleasure, that cause hurt.

These are my issues so we never really met.

I’m out…..

Thanks for taking another ride with me.

Pain After I Wake

As I woke today I looked at my bank account and seen  I couldn’t do anything, but pay my rent.

Also my bus passes this week coming, shaking my head.

I come from a place where I never had to ride public transportation, but now I do.

That’s not the big issue as I first seen it as.

It’s the fact that the black and white people who ride them is ignorant.

I am spoiled is what people say, and they are right.

My mom sheltered me, or as I see it my mom worked her butt off to supply me with what I needed in this life.

Now that I’m older me and my mom don’t speak much and it hurts, because I always had someone to look out for me when I fell short.

Things do change, even when unexpected.

I come to realize there is only family when they are in need.

That’s not how I was raised, I would give you the shirt off my back to make sure you are good.

People only call me when it is convenient for them.

I am always being told to be the bigger person, to turn the other cheek.

People that say they love you, aren’t always they’re to love you when you feel it’s important.

When I was up and doing fine in life, I was the first person people called to get something.

Now I need a breath of fresh air, people are nowhere to be found and dodging me.

I hope they know I love them all, but now from a distance.

All they say is I burnt bridges, but how you think I feel.

Just as much pain and hurt I probably caused you, I’m sure you have done the same to me.

I remember that I was important to check in on to see if I was doing okay.

Things have come a long way from then, I only get calls when people die, or not even then.

Sad how life treats you.

I was told once before by a mentor, good things happen to good people.

I feel like not for me, I feel depression can make people commit suicide for the pain.

People is going to look at that previous line as I’m planing my death.

Not knowing life itself has chosen my path for me.

Texas is the place where my paycheck couldn’t even pay my rent at one time.

To coming back to my birth place that I hate and paying it with no problem.

Still seeing the blind side of the stress from not affording life’s materials you need.

I’m just human and have to put my life on display since I am so shielded.

I don’t have to tell things in more detail, but people who do decide to call me wants to know what happened.

All I can say is life happened and tricked me into being birthed.

It’s not my choice to be here on the earth where things are ruled by greed and power.

I feel damned that I have to be trapped in my demise like this.

All I want is sleep.

I have seen more than I can bare, from death to shootouts and drugs sold.

I slept around so much before I got married, to where I can’t lust to cheat like other men when I’m angered with my wife.

People want my life in a book and it’s plenty to tell.

I recall one time walking over my old friend after he got shot and damaged real bad, didn’t know it was him.

Life is a trip you have to be prepared for at all times.

Wish I could call on God sometimes, but do he want me to see tragic trials to get me lifted.

I’m at the bottom of a hill, and can’t walk up it to save my life.

People will never understand where I have been in life until they can say I have stood in front of that gun.

Letting the holder know what you would still do to him, with no fear of death.

Well I have, and I am proud to say I have done what most people couldn’t stand to do.

I don’t fear death, I fear leaving my daughter with no one to love her.

Went to school for a good minute, now I have to push it back.

It’s bad because I was an honors student, without working and studying hard.

My chances have been taking from me, just because my turn is now to face struggle again.

Hell is here not in an after life.

The earth is the devil’s playground, and if you feel different walk in my shoes.

I have been told I am on the road of having a stroke or heart attack.

How would you know, if I always have to call you.

Man I would rather die young working hard.

Than die old forced to work a job to survive then.

All I can say now is pray for me, since people don’t have time to pray with me.

Hope I can hold my head up with no frustration anymore.

I’m done before I keep telling my business.